GLASSES ANYONE?

In my recent vertigo post I joked about the doctor locating my glasses inside my empty, dizzy head.

In reality, I do seem to keep misplacing my reading glasses. Not to be confused with the bifocals which I actually purchased at Lenscrafters to the tune of a couple hundred dollars, including frames. But I did get them in about an hour. These are my 3rd pair of bifocals.

The very first ones never were correct and the optometrist never made a proper correction, so I never wore them.

My 2nd pair are the sunglasses I currently have and they are great. (Got them at Lenscrafters too.)  But my last pair are very narrow and I think that is why I have to elevate them on my nose for close up and push them down for distance. Very annoying, so I don’t wear them unless I’m driving on sunless days, pushed halfway down my nose, and even then I usually end up with my sunglasses on – looking very Hollywood in the gloom, quite a lot like Raquel (Welch)!!

Hence the 5 pair of el cheapo readers that are scattered about the house. You would think that with that many laying around somewhere there would always be a pair within reach but, no, you would be wrong. I think that they currently reside – in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in my art box, on my drafting table and . . . um . . . crap . . . . See what I mean – I am simply incapable of keeping track of them. Maybe I need a clapper or beeper or something affixed to them.  But, what the heck, the last 2 pair cost $1.00 each so guess I can afford to lose them periodically.

Just yesterday I was in a panic - couldn't find the sunglasses.  Well, don't blame me on that one - haven't needed them in ages since we have not had any sun for weeks!  I remembered wearing them in a car, but whose car?  Looked in mine, nope.  My husband's, nope.  Thought I'd left them in my daughter's but decided against making that call until I had exhausted all other possibilities.  Maybe left them in my friend's?  Didn't want to bother her at dinner, so looked again.  Then again.   Finally, on the last search I found them on the chair behind the purse covered with several light jackets, an umbrella, a pair of winter gloves, the dog leash and, for some unexplained reason, an unopened package of roach traps.

HELP ME!

VERTIGO UPDATE

Had a quick in/quick out visit with the doctor on Thursday. (He’s nothing if not “to the point”.)

It seems that my “condition” is BPPV (benign paroxysmal positional vertigo) and just something that I’ll have to get used to living with. Apparently this is just “one of those things” that occurs, comes and goes, and who knows why.

The ear therapy did seem to help, and, combined with the meclizine, I’m driving again. If I get the vertigo bad again I can go in for another therapy treatment. And I’ll use the meclizine as my “fire extinguisher” the way I’m using my nitro pills for my heart. (When my cardiologist gave me the nitro pills he likened them to a fire extinguisher – you have one, but have never used it, but it’s nice to know it’s there in case you need it).

It seems like each day it’s a little better. I can look up farther and down farther before the dizziness begins, but I’m still not about to do a twist and turn of my head. I’m able to roll to my left side to sleep, so that’s nice, and I’m hoping that eventually I’ll be able to roll right without taking a “trip”. Maybe by the end of weekend I’ll be able to lay flat enough to get back into my own bed, although the recliner is becoming quite comfy!

Since I just heard some bad health news about some people I care about, it makes my ditsy dizziness seem minor, indeed.

So I’m just going to “suck it up”, “man up”, keep my head in plane, walk like I’m wearing a neck brace, turn like Frankenstein - and get on with my life.

Here’s hoping now I can get back to painting more – I’ve got several things “in the works” but haven’t gotten anything ready to post yet. But soon . . . .

Thanks to those of you who follow and care!

p.s. I’m still looking for my glasses!

WHAT’S UP WITH ME?

Some of you may be wondering why I haven’t been posting enough art related subjects lately.
Here’s the scoop.

I’ve been too busy with other stuff, like getting ready for a demo, getting ready for a class, working on the ViewPoint prospectus and mailing list and working on the Greater Cincinnati Watercolor Society blog.

I’ve also been, as we call it here in the rain soaked southeastern part of Indiana – “doctorin’”.

That’s a verb meaning having health problems and going to a doctor frequently. When I was young(er) I always got a kick out of someone using that term; now it ain’t so funny.

No, for those of you who might be worried (all one of you!), it’s not my heart. It’s my head.

I’ve always known there was something wrong up there, but now it’s about to be verified. For the past few weeks I’ve been suffering and “doctorin’” for vertigo. I know a lot of you have had it, currently have it, or know someone who has/had it. Apparently this is a common ailment that, like hemorrhoids, is never mentioned unless someone else mentions it. (Ewwww, there’s a visual, what if hemorrhoids were in our ears!)

But I digress.

If you’ve never had vertigo, I pray you never get it. The world is spinning around you and it is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. Besides that, I don’t feel comfortable driving, and so am reliant on being driven around, like Miss Daisy, by my ever lovin’ hubby who is rapidly getting tired of it!

Anyway, after the tests were run and I picked up my shaking, quaking, crying body, along with what was left of my dignity (which now fits easily into my jeans pocket) I came home to collect myself before another doctor’s visit in a few days.

I’ll let you know what (if anything but air and a few paint chips) they find.

ANTS AND OTHER PERILS

I guess I could tell you that it’s spring in southeastern Indiana just by looking at my countertop or desk top.

“What???” I can year you asking.

Well, it seems that every year there comes that day when I look at my kitchen countertop – a speckled Corian – and it appears to be moving.

“Huh???” you say?

It appears to be moving because some of the moving specks are actually little black ants. Where they come from and how they get in, I have no idea. They just appear about this time every year.

They also appear on the desktop in my office, no where close to the kitchen.

I squish them as I see them. Then, just as suddenly as they appear, they disappear.

Who knows.

They are just one of those mysteries of nature that we must accept.

We have also had an infestation of strange green and gold striped bugs about the size and shape of a wasp, with long antennas. They don’t appear to fly, at least not yet (thank goodness). I have never seen anything like them and have been searching the internet for them. They were all over our garage, so I’m blaming the stove wood for them.

I spent a happy 10 minutes the other day crunching them underfoot. 

I tried to get a photo of one, but my camera refused to comply, no matter what setting I put it on.  Apparently it also has an aversion to bugs.  (Since my husband found lots of holes in the wood and wood dust in the wood bin recently, after an internet search I think they might be metallic wood borers - I must show them to my future son-in-law, the arborist, for confirmation!)

It’s also time for the mating of the bumblebees, or so I call it. Again, early spring every year the bumblebees that live in the deck roof begin going crazy, flying around each other in circles. Since they are large insects and rather ungainly, these bee “dances” can sometimes interfere with human activity on the ground. And, for me, this is a particularly frightening time, since:
(1) I hate bees in general;
(2) I am terrified of bumblebees in particular – I mean, come on, have you seen the size of these things? Some are as large as a hummingbird for goodness sake;
(3) bumblebees home in on me like moths to a flame – they follow me, I’m not kidding.

Prior to exiting the house, I carefully look through the kitchen window and survey the vicinity of the door before I open it so as not to allow a bee inside. Once outside I’m ever mindful of that “bzzzzz” sound and am particularly fearful when it gets louder – “BZZZZZ” – since I know they are heading in my direction.

As if that’s not enough to keep a girl inside all day, there’s also the pollen count. We here in the Greater Cincinnati area are known for our allergies and sinuses. This is because our area is a perfect “bowl” to hold all of the pollen and mold spores, which the wind then picks up and blows along the entire Ohio River Basin. Lucky us.

And here in the country, we can add to that mix the fertilizers and pesticides that the local farmers shoot into the air. Yummm.

And then, let’s not forget the “spring rains” (spelled m o n s o o n) that create lots of mud, flooding and hydroplaning on the roadways and you realize just how dangerous it is “out there”.

I prefer to stay inside during these dreaded times, waiting for the inevitable drought that appears mid-July.

THANKS FOLLOWERS!

Just a quick shout out to my “followers”.
Each time I see another name go up on the sidebar I get a little smile on my face and a chuckle – makes me happy to think that someone wants to “follow” me!
I usually think I need a sign on the back of my car (or pinned to my shirt) that clearly states NOT to follow me or you are soon going to be lost or headed for the longest line in the supermarket!

However, Followers, now I’m going to tell you that I know something about all of you!
“How can that be?” you are probably asking.
Well, I know for sure that you are highly intelligent folks who appreciate good art and enjoy a good laugh now and then!!
See, I told you I knew something about you!
So, thanks to you, my Followers!

CUTE CARTOON

My friend gave me this cartoon – said it sounded just like me – and, sadly, this IS ME!

I must give credit to “Pearls Before Swine” by Stephan Pastis

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS . . . .

My daughter and I were going to Ikea (for the umpteenth time!) and when I got dressed I located a pair of slacks to wear that hadn’t fit for a while (yippee!) which prompted me to locate a pair of shoes other than my usual black loafers. A nice looking pair of brown Easy Spirit that were a few years old, but only worn a few times. I was lookin’ snazzy (or so I thought!).

After putting on the shoes and walking around a bit, I found some dark dirt following me. I looked at the bottom of the shoes and thought I must have gotten dirt on them the last time I wore them; swept it up and left the house.

After getting to Ikea and walking a while, it felt like there was something sticking to the inside of my right heel – a quick check showed no such thing – but after a few more steps that just didn’t feel right, I picked up my foot and looked at the bottom – and part of my heel was gone! W H A A A T? I told my daughter, we shook our heads and shrugged our shoulders and trudged on. A few minutes later my right foot felt flat. When I looked behind me there was a huge chunk of my shoe – the rest of my heel and part of the front sole - laying on the floor behind me!
We were shocked, but also got a bad case of the giggles. I felt like a total dork! But I kept on – what choice did I have?
The farther we went in the store, the more shoe parts I left behind, and the left shoe also began breaking down. Another large chunk – the left heel this time. Next time I looked, the fronts were beginning to crack so I was trying not to walk any farther than need be – sort of scouting out the terrain ahead and sneaking through the aisles in a more direct route to the checkout aisles and keeping very flat-footed.
I managed to get outside – to find the rain had set in! My daughter went to pull the car around so my feet wouldn’t get wet and we scrubbed the rest of our shopping day to go straight back to her place. I helped unload the car and tracked more shoe parts around her house. When I got home I took off what was left of the shoes – and here’s what they look like now!

I’ve got another pair with similar soles, also older and unworn, so I’m going to get them out and wear them around the house and see what happens! My husband says they dry-rotted from non-use! Who knew!?!?
I guess I am a dork, telling stupid stories on myself, but I just had to share yet another embarrassing moment with you! This did prompt lots of laughter and tears on the way home, since I then had to tell my daughter the stories of the toilet paper and the train!
She may be reconsidering asking her mother to shop with her again!

WINTER COWS - and mouse update . . . .

Just had to take a few cow pictures again. The calves are so wooly and fuzzy with their winter coats – and don’t they look stylish with their big purple earrings!

My husband “invented” something to hook onto the back of the tractor to unroll the big round hay bales. I got to see it work for the first time – and it really did! He cuts off the strings that hold the bale together and then drives – either forward or backward, whichever way the bale begins to unwind. (Apparently it’s hard to figure out which way the hay was rolled up, but it doesn’t seem to matter since he can either go forward or backward and the bale will unwind either way). It lays that big bale out into a flat swath of hay – and the cows go for it immediately!

I nearly froze my fingers off driving the Gator up to the field. By the time I got back to the house it was time for a cup of hot chocolate, bundle under the blanket and warm up – and it WAS above 20 degrees (I checked before I went out!!!)

* * * * * *

And now for the mouse update . . . . .
You may recall that there are (were?) mice in my car. 
When I cleaned it out I discovered that those little suckers . . .
      "And now class, for our vocabulary word for the day, change one letter in the word 'suckers' to make a  
       new word" . . . .
. . . had chewed a hole in the top of my left rear seat and chewed most of the way through the seat belt.  OMG!  There was no way for me to open that panel without tearing the car apart, so I placed a glue mousetrap around that area and hoped for the best.
Guess when I take it in for service next time I'll ask them to see what they can find down in that hole - wonder how many times they have been asked to become exterminators - and then get a new seat belt.
It's amazing to me how much damage such tiny little creatures can cause!

ENGAGED!

Last week my daughter’s boyfriend asked my husband for her hand in marriage.
I immediately began crying - tears of joy!
My son, in the same room, almost choked on his drink and asked “WHY?????”
My husband said “She’s all yours!”
Joe didn’t say when he was going to pop the question, and was “working” on the ring.

I didn’t expect it to be Christmas. It wasn’t – it was December 23! And he almost had to by then – since she saw him driving into the jewelry store which happens to be right next door to her salon.
I and my friend are being blamed for that chance meeting – since she stopped by here on her way to work and we chatted for several minutes. Had she not done so, she would have been inside the building when he pulled in and would not have seen him.
He put tea candles in the snow and spelled out “marry me” when she drove in that night.
She said yes (thankfully!).
All’s well that ends well.

The ring is beautiful and will match her grandmother’s wedding ring (which her grandmother gave her last year) perfectly – they actually look like a matched set.
Which, of course, made me cry!
No date set; could be a while, or not – guess we’ll find out!

ART CRITIC!

Since I began painting, my daughter has been my harshest critic. Her most frequent comment is “needs more detail”.

But now that she has her new home, with lots of bare walls, my paintings are just what she needs to cover those walls! To butter me up, now she has amended her comment to “I’ve always liked your paintings . . . they just need more detail”!!!

She came over the other day to check out my paintings and decided on a theme for the holidays. Since she will put her electric train under her Christmas tree – the theme is “trains”. So my train paintings – some rather large! – were carted out to her back seat and driven up the road. She called about an hour later to tell me they were already hanging and looked great!

She also took the first painting I ever framed, and which I still like – a barn on a hill, in winter. She liked it for the “winter” theme.

Yes, folks, seems she is one of those “I like it because it matches my couch” art lovers! But, hey, at least I’ve got a little more room in my house now!

And she may have already picked out a few for the spring – because they involve flowers and will match her walls!

S . . . .I . . . . G . . . . H . . . . !!!

HEALTH UPDATE

Me and the mouse went to the cardiologist Wednesday morning.
. . . “W-h-a-t???” you are thinking to yourself right about now.

Yep – that’s correct – the mouse. He, she, it (hopefully NOT they!!) has been living in my car for a week or so. In all the years we have stored wood in the garage in the winter and I have parked my car there, this has never happened. First time for everything, they say!

First thing I noticed was black dots on my passenger seat (no, not what you are thinking!!!) Until I picked up my leather glasses case I had no idea; then it became evident that something had chewed little pieces off it and left them all over the seat. Then I noticed a tissue shredded on the floor and my juice box chewed to pieces; he (she, it, they?) had chewed through the juice box under my seat and then carried it to the front of the passenger’s floor!! There was also one almond partially showing under the floor mat. As soon as I discovered my little companion(s??) it got so cold I didn’t want to be out in the garage tearing apart my car. Then it snowed, so I couldn’t get the car to the shop building where it would be a little warmer. Then I didn’t see any more evidence and thought they had departed. Boy, was I wrong!

On the way to the doctor visit, I noticed that they had gotten into the tissue box in the back, walked on my dashboard (little tracks in the dust!!!) and left little presents on the blanket on the back seat – guess they know it’s Christmas! Fortunately the back seat is covered with blankets for when the dog rides back there, so nothing is directly on my seat. And then, I realized they had gotten into the almond container – chewed through the plastic lid like a can opener and popped out the nuts. Now I’m afraid there are going to be nuts everywhere and even more critters. YUK. So, hopefully in the next day or two, weather permitting, I can drive my car up the hill to the shop and talk my husband into putting on my snow tires while I tear apart the car. Yippee, can hardly wait.

When I got home, I discovered that we have a cat living in the open garage behind the house. Maybe he (she?) can be enticed into the garage for a little buffet???

But, I digress. Enough about my companions – on to the doctor’s appointment.
The following is obviously written a bit “tongue in cheek” so I have to tell you that I really like my doctor –and the nurses and receptionist are really very nice ladies.

It was a sunny, balmy 10 degrees as I left the house! This time I didn’t drive past the hospital; I actually followed the large blue hospital signs to the correct driveway!
Then I parked in a different lot, much closer to the office, and promptly walked right past the office when I got inside (I thought it was farther down the hall!)
Then I got to watch a few minutes of the Ellen Degeneres show before being weighed in (not such an ordeal since I’ve shed a few more pounds!)
Then the nurse could only get my BP in the right arm so another nurse was called in for the left arm.
Then it was time to check my pulse – apparently faint and slow but, since I was still sitting in the chair and breathing that seemed to be OK. After they both concurred that I was alive, I was asked about my medications:
Had they changed?
“Nope.” (Why would they? This is the doctor who prescribed them!)
What was I taking in the morning or evening
“The blue one in the morning and the yellow one at night.” (This evinced a blank stare from the nurse who then referred to them by some fancy schmancy medical name! – “would that be the blah blah blah?”)
I replied again with my own fancy terminology “Blue in the morning, yellow at night.” (Guess I’ll have to learn some medical jargon to stay on top of this!)
Then I went through my aches and pains – apparently surprisingly few! But since I’d had some unusual (for me!) chest pains she hooked me up for the EKG which confirmed that, yep, sure enough, my heart was beating – but apparently somewhat slowly. This also evinced some medical term that started with “bra . . .” which apparently means slow heart rate. But, not to worry.
Then the doctor came in and we chatted, and I had to confess that I had missed taking the meds a couple of times; this did not overly concern him. (Hmm, after all, it ain’t HIS heart!!!) He looked at my most recent blood work and said that my cholesterol is good, my BP is good and I can cut the meds in half – literally. (Had to stop and get a pill cutter on the way home – those pills are way too tiny to cut in half with my husband’s molding cutter! As an added bonus it came with a pill holder for a weeks’ worth of pills. I spent 10 minutes cutting and filling and I’m all ready to finish out the week – and no more excuse for missing pills!).
The doc also said that if the temperature is less than 20 I’m not allowed out! Seriously! “No going to the grocery or walking outside in that temperature”. He used a cute little road analogy to explain why: “Think of your blocked artery as a closed road – the blood has to travel some back roads to detour around it and those roads can get icy.” (I.e., due to my closed off artery my blood is flowing in a different path now and breathing the cold air into my lungs can affect my heart).
I clapped my hands and told him that this heart attack has come in very handy as an excuse to get out of stuff I don’t want to do – instead of saying “no” I say “Well, you know, I recently had a heart attack” . . . . (pause) and people let me off the hook immediately!
Then, after laughing heartily - he told me that I had a “good attitude” (I think he likes me!)
Then I had to make a March appointment for something called a “stress test” which, according to my husband, apparently involves walking on a treadmill while hooked up to an EKG with the doctor and defibrillator paddles standing by. It does sound stressful, and also suspiciously like a phys ed class. Since my husband knows how athletic I am he has already kindly told me that I’ll fail the test miserably. But it does sound like an excuse to buy some new shoes – I’ve been eyeing those Skechers Tone Ups!

DEB'S BETTER WEDNESDAY - HEART ATTACK UPDATE!

Nifty pill cutter tool and that delicious Chewable Cherry Adult Baby Aspirin!!!

Wednesday I saw the cardiologist for a 2 week check up since my minor heart attack.

He had a motto at the hospital: “One step at a time.”

I found that I also have a motto: “All the steps, how many are there and which way do I turn when I get to the top.”

So I thought we might have a communication issue. However, he was great, as was his nurse. Apparently his motto only applies when the patient (ME!) might be in a life or death situation!

They answered my complete list of questions and took a lot of time with me. My BP was down to 110/60 – LOW! – on the 2nd reading, the first slightly higher. And apparently the problems I’ve been having with lightheadedness in mid-morning are due to one of the pills – which he said I should be taking at night! I was not told that nor was it on the pill bottle! If that doesn’t work, I can cut the pills in half and take ½ in the a.m. and ½ at bedtime, so it seems to be a solvable problem. And I just happen to have the niftiest pill cutter! It’s actually some construction tool for cutting wooden trim work, but it works great for pills – cuts them straight in half!

I also get to keep taking my Chewable Cherry Adult Baby Aspirin (oxymoron??) every morning. I told the nurse I let it dissolve on my tongue and think of a big, gooey cherry Danish! (She thought I was funny!)

The doctor also said it will take 4-6 weeks to feel “normal” – that puts my timeline around the ViewPoint opening! So hopefully I won’t fall off the box my husband has threatened to put at the podium to elevate me while I’m giving my speech! (Last year he told me I was a “disembodied voice” during the speech and he aims to fix that this year!)

Anyway – all of the info from the doctor is good stuff to know. Barring any unfortunate incidents, I’ll be heading back there in January.

So now, apparently all of my impending health hazards are back to where they belong – our highways and byways. I always claim that any car I drive or ride in becomes invisible – cases in point:

Tuesday the car in front of me on the expressway ramp came to a DEAD STOP on the expressway – I had nowhere to go since a semi was whizzing along in the left lane. I had to slam on my brakes and the instant the truck passed me I changed lanes. Thank goodness there was no traffic behind me. A few minutes later the same guy who couldn’t find his gas pedal at the end of the ramp whizzed past me! Jeeeeeeeeeeeez.

Wednesday a large truck got over for me to come down the ramp – and then promptly pulled back into my lane – guess he had a very short attention span! (He received a rather UN-ladylike gesture and horn toot as I slammed on my brakes and got behind him and then passed him). And then another large truck pulled into my lane and then back into his lane for no reason I could see.

Gee – that’s enough to give a girl a heart attack!

MOOOO!

Meet Erin - she's our biggest gal - bossy as all get out! 

Here's the progression of this painting:

And thus ends the cow posts - at least for now!!!! 

MOOOOOOORE COWS!

We had 5 babies this summer; sadly, one died. But we still have the 4 little ones who scamper around with their mothers! Here is a photo of most of the herd – you can see the little ones – and note that one is on the “wrong side of the fence” at the top middle of this photo. Guess he/she has heard the old saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!”
The babies will wander under the fence, but come back when momma calls them!!

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES - SUNNY!

Nothing to do with art, just cows!
Some of you may remember the birth of our first calf, Sunny, a little over a year ago. Well, here is a short progression – what a difference a year makes!!!!!

And – even though he’s an animal - he’s even got a birth certificate (imagine that!!!)

WHEN DISASTER STRIKES

After a lovely dinner with Rhonda and Nick Simmons last Monday night, I was in a great mood, until I was faced with a disastrous Tuesday.
It began with vandalism to our mailbox. We have had several instances in the past that are more “prank” than vandalism (allegedly) done by a young neighbor, but this definitely crossed the line. Both another neighbor, who was also targeted, and I called in the local sheriff. There is no way I can show the photos of the lovely “artwork” the little demon left on my mailbox and on two places on the county road. Enamel spray paint will take some time to wear off the road, and never will wear off our mailbox.

Then, to add insult to injury, later in the day while putting out more paint, the end of the tube split and created a little tiny hole that I didn’t notice until the cobalt blue casein had squirted onto the front of my shirt. Even though I sprayed it with everything in my laundry arsenal and washed it immediately, it still retains the blue dots.
Some days you just look forward to bedtime!

RETURN FROM THE RETREAT!

I’m b-a-a-a-a-a-c-k! Didja miss me??

While at my painting retreat I somehow managed to ruin one of my starts.  I can hear you all saying to yourself "wow, imagine that; that NEVER happens to me!!!"  What began as a cheerful and light painting suddenly, and without warning, turned into some sort of muddy, greyed down, purple-y sort of disaster - the poster child for what not to do to a painting!
But I did manage to get some of my other starts finished and begin another picture, so the next couple of posts will be showing you those.

First up is a flag painting started in April!  (Speed kills!)

 

The picture on the right is how it looked when I took it to Tennessee - the next post will be the completed painting.  "Gotta make ya wate ah wile!!!!" as they say in the mountains!
In the meantime, someone asked about the “Painting” game that I took to our retreat. I created it some years ago and loosely based it on a popular children's board game. For the cards I worked in some silly ideas relating to painting; then collaged some pictures from catalogs and art magazines onto the board; bought some chess pieces and painted them and there you have it! I also created a travel version of the game using magnets – but that didn’t get heavy use since there is usually too much talking going on during the drive to and from! This year I created a “new and improved” version which was played with much vigor, laughter, choking, tears (of laughter!) with a small percentage of wine involved!  Another fun-filled week of art, food and friends!

CHARLIE AND JOE

Nothing art related here – just a darling photo sent to me by my daughter.

This is a photo of her dog Charlie, my Granddog, (on the left!!!) – and Joe, her boyfriend. I think this is the cutest thing – and maybe I’ll paint it for them some day!

LOCAL BANK ROBBERY GONE AWRY

Well, this post has nothing to do with art. So, if it’s a painting you want to see here today, move along! But if it’s a funny story you need to start your day, here goes:

Late last year there was a bank robbery in Brookville, Indiana. At that time, the story caught my eye. In the latest edition of the paper, a short article stated that the robber was just sentenced to 8 years, but with credit for good behavior he could be out in four years (presumably to do it all over again with skills more finely honed during his time in the pokey!)

You are probably thinking “Big deal, what’s so funny about that?”

I’m going to let the newspaper story tell itself – picture it in your mind and enjoy! When I first read it, I was totally charmed by small town news reporting at its finest! See what you think.

Excerpt from the Brookville Democrat, Tuesday, December 22, 2009
 If there were a class for bank robbers, the first chapter in the accompanying text might contain instructions in how not to put on one’s mask and walk in front of the police station before entering the bank.
That is what police said Jody Selby did before they took him into custody less than two minutes after they said he robbed the First Financial Bank on Main Street in Brookville.
Brookville Police Department Administrative Assistant Linda Ballman said Monday morning started out kind of dull. At about 9:30 that changed.
There is a large picture window in the front of the Brookville Police Department. Ballman’s desk faces the window.
She said she saw a man in a yellow hoodie with a blue-green towel wrapped around his face walk by on Main Street heading south.
Ballman turned to Sgt. Jim Adams and said “I believe that man is going to rob the bank.”
At first, Adams thought Ballman was kidding, but he caught a glimpse of the man and had the same thought.
“It was cold outside, but not that cold,” Ballman said.
Adams went running out the front door and looked south. The man was no longer in sight. Next door to the police station is a laundromat that is closed for remodeling. Next to that is the bank..
Adams made sure the door to the laundromat was still secure and went on to the bank. When he opened the door, he saw the man with the hoodie and towel, raking money off the counter.
According to Joyce A. Ratliff, a customer at the bank, Selby walked up to the counter, put one hand on the counter, left the other in his pocket and said “Give me all your money and nobody will be shot.”
Ratliff, who stands 5 feet tall, tips the scales at 130 and will turn 56 on Saturday, zippered her purse, walked up behind Selby and struck him over the head. He turned from her, and she hit him again.
Adams remained outside with the door open. He told the man he was under arrest.
The man tried to get past Adams, and they scuffled. . . . . .
At first Ratliff, who has lived in Franklin County for four years, gave chase but she saw there were men after Selby. She then turned her attention to the money on Main Street.
Along with Ballman, Ratliff picked up the money on Main Street. Vehicular traffic came to a stand still. . . . . .
Rick Gill owns The Jewelry Inn that just relocated to its present location near the intersection of Sixth and Main, two doors south of First Financial Bank.
He stepped out of his store to walk down to the police station in order to talk to Brookville Police Chief Phil Wietholter about a matter.
Gill is a retired Indiana State Police trooper.
When he emerged from his business, he saw Adams running after Selby and the money flying.
Tim Ripperger, a former Brookville Police officer who now works for the town’s Utilities Department, happened to be in the Rosenberger’s Market parking lot.
He immediately joined the chase.
“I felt like I had two fellow officers with me,” Adams said.
Gill said he looked up and saw Ripperger in the middle of Seventh Street pointing toward a loading dock leading down to a lower level in the Firestone building.
Selby was under the front of the truck parked in the bay.
Adams walked up one side of the truck and Gill the other. With Adams’ gun drawn, Selby was ordered not to move. Handcuffs were placed on him, and he was taken to the Brookville Police Department.
From there, he was booked at the Franklin County Security Center on a charge of Robbery, as a class C felony.
According to Adams, no gun was shown during the crime, and no weapon was found on Selby. More money from the robbery was found in Selby’s pocket . . . . . .
Ratliff said she was not scared during the episode. There were two babies in the bank, and she was scared for their safety. A native of Hazard, Kentucky, she has 19 brothers (emphasis added!!!). Her mother is a retired police officer in North Ft. Myers, Fla.
“I consider this my hometown,” she said. “If people don’t get the riff raff out of town, we won’t have a town to be proud of.”
“I wouldn’t live anywhere else,” she continued.
“We caught the guy, and no one was injured,” Adams said. “That was the important thing.”

Some morals of this story:
Only in a small town can you get ALL the information relating to the police chases.
Apparently our local town is loaded with police, both current and former!
Talk about “Hoosier Hospitality” - it’s nice to know that traffic will politely stop in BOTH DIRECTIONS for anyone scooping up money from the street – I’m sure in New York or somewhere like that not all traffic would stop, and someone would jump in to grab that money and run!
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to keep my purse zipped and ready at all times – just in case I need a deadly weapon. (Left unzipped, mine would become shrapnel!)

And, I’m wondering how many of those 19 brothers survived to adulthood!

WHEN IT ALL GOES HORRIBLY WRONG . . .

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. Looking at the following painting for too long may result in sudden onset screaming. If you have previously looked outside at the sunshine on snow, temporary snow blindness may also result. Additional symptoms may include sudden nausea or headache. If any of these symptoms occur, seek alcoholic counsel and lay down immediately. If symptoms persist, click out of this post and consult another immediately.

* * * * *

As I took the last step off the staircase this morning, I found myself looking directly at the piano, with my “white” peony painting sitting there. 

I was suddenly rendered motionless, as my internal voice began screaming:“Man, oh man, that is one of the worst paintings you have ever done. It looks like a flying saucer suspended over a green background. We gotta do something about that. We need a plan of attack – a knife should do the trick! – but first, we need coffee.”

Later, fortified with caffeine and realizing that (a) it’s acrylic, I can change anything! and (b) a (palette) knife should do the trick (hey, I bought a set, may as well try them out!) - I was ready to tackle the beast. (Even my camera was a little afraid of the real thing - trust me – these photos don’t even begin to do it justice!).

I circled warily - a quick grab! - hold on tight - grab the white acrylic paint and go for it!

Here is the internal dialog as it occurred:
“Careful, it’s getting away again – Needs color – Rhonda said purple – Spray! Now! – Too much – More paint – Step back – Again! – Teresa said “high key” – More white . . .”

And then the Paint Police arrived: “Ma’am, put down that brush and step away from the painting”.

After some time passed and I didn’t think I could possibly do any more damage, once again I propped it on the piano for review. I have a friend who is a great (and honest) critique-er, but since she’s nowhere around today, I’ll have to settle for the next best thing – The Husband.

After 32 years of marriage, I really don’t need my husband in the room in order to have a conversation with him – I pretty much know what he will say!  In this case I'm predicting something like this:  he will stand about 10 ft. or less from the painting, give a heavy sigh, stare, then say something like "it's too fuzzy" and "I don't like the colors."

And now, here is the actual conversation that took place as he viewed the painting:
Him:  standing about 5 -10 ft. from the painting, taking a long and heavy sigh.  "I don't know what that is on the right.  You have green over there but not down here, I don't know what this color is supposed to be.  It's too fuzzy."
Me:  "So you think I should change it?"
Him:  "It's probably too late to change it now.  You had it with the green background, I liked that.  And you had the petals, now you lost them down here.  Over here (pointing) you have the petals defiined, and here (pointing) and here (pointing).  You don't have the petals all defined down here (pointing)."

I wasn't too far off the mark!  And now, it's your turn - critique away!!!!!

* * * * * 

Well, what can I say (especially after my big lecture on “high key” paintings!!!) – sometimes the best of intentions fall far short of the goal.

This one will be a do over (some day).

My apologies to Nick Simmons for even mentioning his techniques in these last couple of posts!

But I’m taking full credit for the creation of the newest painting technique sweeping the country – masking tape petal edges (although I’ll need a catchier phrase – I’ll have to give that some thought)**.

In the meantime, I’ll be sitting quietly, sipping some form of (maybe alcoholic??) beverage, perusing some magazines for good art while my mind slowly erases the horrors it has seen today.

** So far I’m thinking: ruffling petal technique or ruffled edge technique. Any thoughts on this??

* * * * *

Later in the day:
P.S.  This thing is beginning to grow on me!  Am I coming down with the dreaded "cabin fever" ?  Or is it SNOWMAGEDDON (a term being used by one of our local weathermen) - the constant and non-stop falling of snow for 24 hours or longer which causes lack of sunlight which causes Vitamin A and D definiciency which thereby affects eyesight so that we think everything white(ish) looks normal?
P.P.S  Maybe I'll call it "Snow Peony" or "Olympic Peony" or "Crap".