Worst Dressed Old Lady of the Week: Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes is looking O-L-D this week, inexplicably donning a couple of the ugliest outfits this side of Xenu. I think she needs to rehire Posh as her stylist, unless Posh is the one responsible for those messes, then she needs to get as far away from the Brit as her skinny stick legs will carry her.

Tom and Katie at the LACMA Event

Katie Holmes looks amazing, and hubby Tom Cruise looks....short, at the Broad Contemporary Art Museum opening over the weekend. Other attendees were Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie.

Madonna Looks Fresh as a Daisy

After appearing in public recently sporting facial bruising, sunglasses, and lots of dark roots, Madonna showed up at her "Raising Malawi" gala, looking well rested and many years younger.

The gala was a $2500 a head affair, which raised $3.7 million, and was attended by the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Drew Barrymore, Gwen Stefani, and Salma Hayek, and was hosted by Chris Rock.

TomKat and SkelePez Hang Out

"All hail twins of Xenu! All hail twins of Xenu!"

Louboutin Designing Toddler Shoes for Cruise?

So, allegedly, regular toddler shoes just aren't good enough for Scientolobaby Suri Cruise, and stupid-rich parents Tom and Katie have commissioned Christian Louboutin to design a pair of shoes for her.

According to Contact Music, Louboutin has taken a mold of Suri's feet and is custom designing a pair of booties.

Obviously being rich does not equal being smart. One would think that instead of spending money on something as frivolous as custom baby designer shoes, perhaps they could find a more useful place to spend that money, say like, in a third world country where kids are starving to death or murdered daily.

Perhaps Scientologists aren't allowed to give money to places other than the Scientolo-coffers?

Tom Cruise is a Fat, Balding Studio Exec.....

Oh wait. That's just a character he's playing, in secret, in the film 'Tropic Thunder'. Apparently it's not a secret anymore, as the photos of Cruise in his costume got leaked onto the internet this week, and he's pi***d.

The star is currently filming Ben Stiller comedy Tropic Thunder alongside wife Katie Holmes and Jack Black - and is reported to be considering legal action over the shots. In a statement, representatives for Cruise said, "Mr. Cruise's appearance was supposed to be a surprise for his fans worldwide. (Paparazzi) have ruined what should have been a fun discovery for moviegoers."

Earlier reports suggested that Cruise was PO'ed at the leak because the film is outside the fold of United Artists, and he didn't want anyone to know he had staryed from his new company.

Above is the only sample photo I could find, and I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to post it. Enjoy it while you can!

Katie Holmes or Robot Replacement?

Katie Holmes proves she is no longer human, but has actually been replaced by a Scientolorobot, by not only finishing the NYC Marathon, but then looking gorgeous as she attends a blacktie event later the same day.

Tom does sort of look like he's holding her up in some of the pictures though. I know I wouldn't have been able to blithely pop on some high heels after running 26 miles.

Scientolowife Finishes NYC Marathon

Congrats to Katie Homes for finishing the New York City marathon today. Her time was five hours twenty nine minutes and change, good enough to put her in 34,196th place! Hubby Tom Cruise and robotic daughter Suri awaited Katie at the finish line.

Katie Holmes: Marathon Runner

Katie Holmes is in New York this week getting ready to run. Unfortunately not away from Scientolomidget Tom Cruise, but in the 26 mile NYC Marathon. Holmes joins Lance Armstrong and 37,000 other runners in the race.

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Mr. & Mrs. Cruise Grace the Red Carpet

Tom Cruise and Scientolowife Katie Holmes walk the red carpet at the Berlin premiere of Tom's new film 'Lions For Lambs'.

I have to say, Katie looks spectacular from the shoulders up. That Armani Prive dress is just awful on her, and she seems to have a thing for wearing gowns that don't fit her nonexistent breasts. Also that bulge looks like a baby bump that's about to drop right there on the red carpet. I think Katie needs to hire herself a new stylist.

Katie Holmes Takes on "Katee Holmes"

The first lady of Scientology, Katie Holmes, is planning to sue a teenage soon-to-be porn star, recently name-changed to "Katee Holmes".

A spokesperson for the original Katie Holmes says, "It's a really cheap shot. Obviously Tom would support Katie in anything she decides to do about it."

The 18 year old fashion student Katee plans to lose her virginity on film.

But Shy Love, a representative for Katee, and an adult video veteran, tells PageSix.com the name alternation was done in homage to the 28-year-old wife of Tom Cruise.

She says, "Katee is using the name as a tribute to Katie, who has always portrayed an innocence in everything she's done, beginning with Dawson's Creek."

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Brad Pitt Looking for Butt Double

Angelina Jolie is having partner Brad Pitt jump around like a marionette on strings these days. Word is that producers of his new film 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' are scrambling to find a butt double for Pitt, after he refused to strip down for nude scenes.

This latest demand comes after Pitt recently refused to film a kissing scene with an attractive female co-star, apparently fearing Jolie's negative reaction. Brad has been known to strip off his clothes in other films, but is nixing that option in recent days.

It's all starting to sound a bit like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to me.

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Uh Oh! Katie Holmes Peeved About Novel

A novel has been released that apparently follows some very close correlations to Katie Holmes' life.

The book, by Lori Culwell, is called "Hollywood Car Wash", and is about the rise of a young actress on a tv series who is forced to lose weight, takes drugs, is hounded by paparazzi, and gets into a contracted relationship.

"Someone gave her a copy last weekend, and she's been reading it non-stop ever since," said one of the actress' friends. "She's already having problems with Tom, and now she feels like her private life has been exposed. She's really upset."

"Katie can't believe the similarities," said a source.

Author Lori Culwell denies that the character is based on Holmes, though on her MySpace page she does maintain that all the scenarios and people in the book are 100% real.

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Chris Rock Gets Hit With Paternity Claim

Funny guy Chris Rock isn't laughing now that a woman has gone to the media with claims that he fathered her teenage son.

Kali Bowyer, 35, says she and Rock dated briefly before he hit it big. Bowyer got pregnant, and says that between the time the baby was born to age three she had tried going through Rock's lawyers to no avail. She says she just kept getting the brush off.

Now Bowyer says, she has decided to make the ordeal public because she has wanted Rock to take a paternity test for medical reasons. Her son has suffered from seizures from a young age, and getting a father's medical history will go a long way in solving the medical issue.

She also says she isn't interested in getting any of the comedian's money for herself, though support for her son would be nice. Neither does she wish to hurt Rock's marriage with wife Malaak, which has, according to the tabloids, been on the rocks.

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Posh and Katie to Launch Kid's Clothing Line

BFF's Posh Beckham and Katie Holmes are reportedly set to launch their own line of children's clothing, according to news network AHN.

A source told Britain's Daily Express newspaper: "They are both really excited about this new project. Katie recently sketched out some designs for a party dress for Suri's first birthday and Victoria saw there was the potential there for the two of them to come up with some great designs. As they are both mothers who love fashion, it couldn't have been more ideal for them."

Victoria already has her own jeanswear and designer sunglasses lines out, while Katie has so far just been seen with sketchpads of dresses under her arm.

I guess kids clothes is a much more acceptable way for Katie "Stepford" Holmes to spend her time rather than acting. I wonder if hubby Tom tells her which direction to wipe her butt, too.

Cruise Teaches Thandie Newton What Kissing is All About

Thandie Newton reveals in an interview that Tom Cruise had to school her in the art of on-screen kissing, for her role in 'Mission Impossible 2'. Apparently Newton's passionate and enthusiastic slobbering was a little much for Cruise who dubbed her attempts "terrible".

He had her watch herself on a monitor, and then explained the much more clinical and technical side of kissing to her.

I wonder if Tom had to do that with Katie, so she wouldn't mash him all over while drooling down the side of her chin in front of the paps.

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Tom Tightening Katie's Purse Strings

Tittle Tattle Too reports that Tom Cruise has told Katie to cut her shopping sprees down because he think sit is sending out the wrong message.

What message do you think that is? "We've got mega-beaucoup-bucks, so don't spend any of it, or our non-existant fans might think we're rich and frivolous?"

The article says that Cruise is alarmed at the fortune she has been spending at Barney's, Horn, and Bonpoint.

A source told Britain's Grazia magazine: "Katie looks like she has been moping about having to curtail her shopping sprees. She said Tom wants her to take a break as he thinks it might be sending out the wrong message.

"He certainly doesn't have to worry about money and Katie is not on a budget - it seems he just doesn't want people thinking she is frivolous and all about shopping and money."

On one shopping extravaganza to Barney's, Katie reportedly spent close to $20,000, and treated herself and buddy Posh Beckham to a couple $500 pairs of shoes. Right after that Katie was photographed carrying 5 bags of clothes of toys and outfits for baby Suri.

Well I guess since Tom has less fans than he can count on two hands these days, it might be a good idea to put Katie on a budget. Who knows if he'll ever have another box office smash again after trying to take over the world Scientology style.

Angie's Already Put the New Kid to Work

The poor Vietnamese kid that Angelina Jolie just adopted hasn't even got the stamp dry on his new passport before the Jolie-Pitt's have made dough off the transaction. People magazine just bought the rights to the first officially published photos of Pax Thien Jolie for 2 million clams!

Granted, Angie will more than likely donate the dough to charity, but that's beside the point. TomKat, and even Britney, has had the good sense to keep their kids pics out of the glossies for a reasonable length of time, and those kids were born into the life of Hollywood brat. This poor kid should have the good sense to bite Ange on the ankle and run screaming as soon as the plane touches down in LA or New Orleans, or Germany, or wherever the hell they've bought yet another house.

I have a headache just thinking about this now.

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J. Lo's Marriage on the Rocks?

Sources told Page Six says that the marriage of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony may have hit a rough patch. Witnesses report seeing several fights starting back on New Year's Eve and continuing through Super Bowl in Miami. Insiders speculate that the issues could be child related, or the lack thereof. Jen seems to want to put off having some, while Marc, who has four other kids with a couple different ladies, wants them now. There is also Anthony's interest in Scientology.

I guess I don't see where the Scientology thing is an issue, since Jen's dad is a Scientologist, and they are very lovey-dovey with TomKat. Also Lopez has gone on the record saying that they have been trying to have a baby, and SHE was the one looking into Scientology to help in getting pregnant. The Page Six story seems to contradict everything I have read about these two so far. So take what you will from it, I guess.

More Stork Rumors

A TomKat flunky was dispatched to La Petit Tresor, trendy BevHills baby boutique to the stars, to have the store come up with layouts for a baby boy's room. The estimated cost of said room is in the neighborhood of $45,000, and the themes given were: sports, nursery rhyme, baby blue, and cartoons. The deadline for coming up with the decor plans was given as April 15, which happens to be three days before Suri's first birthday.

So is all the brouhaha nonsense, given that Katie is putting the kibosh on cranking out babies? Or will the Cruises add to their brood the Brangelina way, and pick up a new third world country orphan? Or is this just the musings of some PR person who is trying to score points for the baby boutique. Think Christina Aguilera and some recent baby rumors started by an employee of another BevHills boutique, Bellini.