Apocalypse Alert: Winehouse-Doherty Duet

I don't even know what to say about this news, and perhaps the best things are left unsaid.

Crackhead Pete (Doherty) and Amy Wino (Winehouse) have teamed up for a duet. Yes, you read that right. A duet. Like actual music. I, of course, assumed they had teamed up to run the world's largest smack cartel, but no, they actually recorded something together.

The 'Rehab' singer and the Babyshambles star recently recorded the track, which sees Amy showcasing her impressive guitar playing skills as well as her singing talents.

Pete's bandmate, guitarist Mick Whitnall, said: "It's a ska-type track. Amy's playing guitar on it and singing as well.

"She plays better than James Brown playing acoustic guitar. She thinks she's s**t but she's not. I've never met a man who plays like that, let alone a girl."

Apparently a line is forming to the left, of stars eager to team up with Winehouse, including Prince and George Michael.

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Is Penelope Cruz-ing for Orlando?

Tongues were wagging after Prince's post-Oscar shindig, where lots of people witnessed Penelope Cruz and Orlando Bloom playing tonsil hockey with each other. The 'Pirate' did his best to console Penelope after her Best Actress loss.

Orlando took Penelope's mind off her Best Actress disappointment by passionately embracing her at the party held at Prince's Hollywood home on Sunday night.

A source told the New York Daily News newspaper, "Penelope and Orlando couldn't keep their hands off one another - they were making out the whole night. It was crazy! Touching, kissing - even a little bit of groping. And in view of tons of actors, too, like Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling."

The couple also "flirted outrageously" at a pre-Oscars party at Los Angeles' members club Soho House.

A source said, "Orlando and Penelope flirted outrageously while playing pool. Penelope seemed more than a little smitten and afterwards they retired to a corner for drinks - they couldn't keep their hands off each other."

The 32-year-old "Volver" actress also helped Orlando celebrate his 30th birthday at Los Angeles nightclub Teddy's last month, where the couple were said to be inseparable.

A source said, "Penelope was never further than arm's length from Orlando, even when he was surrounded by other women on the dance floor."

My only thought on this is that Penelope Cruz has gotten so used to playing the beard, she has the best gaydar in Hollywood. I wonder if she gets paid for her services in trying to make the gay guys look straight.

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