HEALTH UPDATE

Me and the mouse went to the cardiologist Wednesday morning.
. . . “W-h-a-t???” you are thinking to yourself right about now.

Yep – that’s correct – the mouse. He, she, it (hopefully NOT they!!) has been living in my car for a week or so. In all the years we have stored wood in the garage in the winter and I have parked my car there, this has never happened. First time for everything, they say!

First thing I noticed was black dots on my passenger seat (no, not what you are thinking!!!) Until I picked up my leather glasses case I had no idea; then it became evident that something had chewed little pieces off it and left them all over the seat. Then I noticed a tissue shredded on the floor and my juice box chewed to pieces; he (she, it, they?) had chewed through the juice box under my seat and then carried it to the front of the passenger’s floor!! There was also one almond partially showing under the floor mat. As soon as I discovered my little companion(s??) it got so cold I didn’t want to be out in the garage tearing apart my car. Then it snowed, so I couldn’t get the car to the shop building where it would be a little warmer. Then I didn’t see any more evidence and thought they had departed. Boy, was I wrong!

On the way to the doctor visit, I noticed that they had gotten into the tissue box in the back, walked on my dashboard (little tracks in the dust!!!) and left little presents on the blanket on the back seat – guess they know it’s Christmas! Fortunately the back seat is covered with blankets for when the dog rides back there, so nothing is directly on my seat. And then, I realized they had gotten into the almond container – chewed through the plastic lid like a can opener and popped out the nuts. Now I’m afraid there are going to be nuts everywhere and even more critters. YUK. So, hopefully in the next day or two, weather permitting, I can drive my car up the hill to the shop and talk my husband into putting on my snow tires while I tear apart the car. Yippee, can hardly wait.

When I got home, I discovered that we have a cat living in the open garage behind the house. Maybe he (she?) can be enticed into the garage for a little buffet???

But, I digress. Enough about my companions – on to the doctor’s appointment.
The following is obviously written a bit “tongue in cheek” so I have to tell you that I really like my doctor –and the nurses and receptionist are really very nice ladies.

It was a sunny, balmy 10 degrees as I left the house! This time I didn’t drive past the hospital; I actually followed the large blue hospital signs to the correct driveway!
Then I parked in a different lot, much closer to the office, and promptly walked right past the office when I got inside (I thought it was farther down the hall!)
Then I got to watch a few minutes of the Ellen Degeneres show before being weighed in (not such an ordeal since I’ve shed a few more pounds!)
Then the nurse could only get my BP in the right arm so another nurse was called in for the left arm.
Then it was time to check my pulse – apparently faint and slow but, since I was still sitting in the chair and breathing that seemed to be OK. After they both concurred that I was alive, I was asked about my medications:
Had they changed?
“Nope.” (Why would they? This is the doctor who prescribed them!)
What was I taking in the morning or evening
“The blue one in the morning and the yellow one at night.” (This evinced a blank stare from the nurse who then referred to them by some fancy schmancy medical name! – “would that be the blah blah blah?”)
I replied again with my own fancy terminology “Blue in the morning, yellow at night.” (Guess I’ll have to learn some medical jargon to stay on top of this!)
Then I went through my aches and pains – apparently surprisingly few! But since I’d had some unusual (for me!) chest pains she hooked me up for the EKG which confirmed that, yep, sure enough, my heart was beating – but apparently somewhat slowly. This also evinced some medical term that started with “bra . . .” which apparently means slow heart rate. But, not to worry.
Then the doctor came in and we chatted, and I had to confess that I had missed taking the meds a couple of times; this did not overly concern him. (Hmm, after all, it ain’t HIS heart!!!) He looked at my most recent blood work and said that my cholesterol is good, my BP is good and I can cut the meds in half – literally. (Had to stop and get a pill cutter on the way home – those pills are way too tiny to cut in half with my husband’s molding cutter! As an added bonus it came with a pill holder for a weeks’ worth of pills. I spent 10 minutes cutting and filling and I’m all ready to finish out the week – and no more excuse for missing pills!).
The doc also said that if the temperature is less than 20 I’m not allowed out! Seriously! “No going to the grocery or walking outside in that temperature”. He used a cute little road analogy to explain why: “Think of your blocked artery as a closed road – the blood has to travel some back roads to detour around it and those roads can get icy.” (I.e., due to my closed off artery my blood is flowing in a different path now and breathing the cold air into my lungs can affect my heart).
I clapped my hands and told him that this heart attack has come in very handy as an excuse to get out of stuff I don’t want to do – instead of saying “no” I say “Well, you know, I recently had a heart attack” . . . . (pause) and people let me off the hook immediately!
Then, after laughing heartily - he told me that I had a “good attitude” (I think he likes me!)
Then I had to make a March appointment for something called a “stress test” which, according to my husband, apparently involves walking on a treadmill while hooked up to an EKG with the doctor and defibrillator paddles standing by. It does sound stressful, and also suspiciously like a phys ed class. Since my husband knows how athletic I am he has already kindly told me that I’ll fail the test miserably. But it does sound like an excuse to buy some new shoes – I’ve been eyeing those Skechers Tone Ups!